Why Couples Struggle With Their Relationship After Having Children.

Why Couples Struggle With Their Relationship After Having Children.

Relationships are like a garden, you should continuously nurture and take care of it in order for it to flourish. It is like a closed ecosystem, and every change would influence its balance. Many couples experience a change in their relationship after having children, and they struggle to keep it stable and reigniting passion within their relationship.

Having children breaks the delicate balance that a couple had managed to carefully create during their "free child" relationship period.  Many new responsibilities come with having a baby, and therefore the roles division between the couple needs to be redefined. Who wakes up in the middle of the night? Who changes diapers, who gets to sleep on Saturday morning and so on.   On top of it the physical and emotional changes that the woman is having during and after having a baby shake not only her but the whole relationship ecosystem, which is expressed in distance and lack of intimacy between the couple. The child's need for warmth and love come at the expense of close contact between the pair. The uncertainty of this new situation brings stress and chaos into the relationship and the mundane duties that come along with it kill the spark. 

So, what can we do to regain balance and perk up our relationship

1. Communicate- schedule time to sit together and talk with each other every day, a short but meaningful conversation. Share your feelings or difficulties, talk about your needs and insights, the changes you are going through and how it affects your life. Say it in simple words and allow your partner to express himself \ herself without cutting their thinking process with your own insights, expressing emotions is hard enough without you adding your own input into the pool. Accurate and tuned communication is a mainstay of relationships.
2. Act of Love-  In order to get intimacy back in your life, you need to do something that expresses your love to your partner, do a love action: hug your spouse for more than 30 seconds, complement each other, say you are sorry.  Remember that the most important thing is to get closer, so put your pride and ego aside, don’t look for who's right and who's wrong. Don’t drag an argument for too long, take a breath, cool down and remember that act of love can get you back on the path of intimacy and closeness.
3. Role Planning- don’t just assume that you will figure it out what each one of you should do. Sit together and talk about the new responsibilities chores and duties that come along with your new situation and try to divide it fairly between you. But try this from time to time:   voluntarily, without being asked by your spouse, take one of his\her responsibility when your partner is stressed, crouching under endless tasks, and do it for him. You won't believe the great impact this gesture of love would do to your relationship.  Be aware of your spouse stress level and don’t dismiss yourself with "it's not my responsibility" remember that in the closed circle of a relationship what goes around comes around.

Biography

 Yoram Sisso is a father to three young girls and married to Einav. He is a seeker, a self-contemplative practitioner of relationships and, according to his wife, a professional husband.

For more than fifteen years he's traveled to the Far East, spending some time in a Buddhist monastery and ashrams, participating in countless self-awareness workshops

He was born and raised in Israel.  After his traveling, he lived a few years in the U.S with his wife and kids and then moved back and settled down.

For the last twelve years, he's explored, studied, and examined his own relationship and those of others around him.

Today he owns a landscaping business, and provides couples counseling as a community service .he has just  Published his second book "Insights into Relationships" - https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B071S7Y45Q -